20.5.09

On packaged software

What the fuck?! How is it that the software that comes with my new camera is NOT AS GOOD as the software that is already on Windows?! How is that?

19.5.09

On Thor and the Avengers movies

I have been thinking about this new batch of Marvel movies. There are some fucking awful crimes against humanity in there, like Daredevil, Elektra, and the fucking Spider-Man trilogy. Not to mention how terrible X-Men Origins: Wolverine was. But there is hope. Iron Man was amazing, Hulk was very true to the comics and very fun, and they are connected. And recently, it has been announced that Thor, Captain America, and the Avengers will be getting films, as well as sequels.

Thor has been in a tizzy of new information, from the original announcement of Kenneth Branaugh at the helm. And now, we got two of our leads: Chris Hemsworth as the God of Thunder and Tom Hiddleston as Loki, his half-brother and villain.

This both helps me and troubles me, but more on that in a minute.

They both look good for the part, especially Hiddleston, who I can just imagine in giant golden horns. And while the cast is important, there is something much more important, looming on the horizon. The story. The plot. And I will tell you right now, if they make this a giant “Lord of the Rings in Asgard” I’m going to bash my head against a fucking wall. That is NOT THOR! That is not what the comic is. Hopefully, I’m just being preemptive in my rage. Though I doubt it. I trust Branaugh. He is a lauded Shakespearean actor and director, and I certainly expect him to do things the right way. And I hope that he gets to what is truly important in Thor, the theme of humanity vs. divinity.

I know exactly how I would like to see this movie pan out. I want the intent and major theme to be about Power through Weakness. The backstory of Thor is that Thor was a dick who didn't like humans. So Odin, his father, sent him to earth, trapped in human's body - that of Dr. Donald Blake. Not only that, but Blake is lame, having a bum leg. Thor's hammer is also thrown to earth as well, where it becomes a walking stick in Donald Blake's possession. But when slammed on the ground, it transforms into Mjolnir, and Donald Blake becomes the God of Thunder, the great Odinson Thor!

Basically, I think the theme should work on those lines. While Norse mythology is nice, and of course we need a Loki and an Odin, I would prefer if all that happened as merely backstory, and we have a real superhero movie on our hands, with actual super villains. But crap, they got Loki cast, doesn’t that make him the major villain? Probably. But if they were to do this the right way, based on the comics, then Loki would actually be the major villain of the upcoming Avengers movie, the force that brings together these heroes.

So if not Loki, who? I mean, the vast majority of people cannot think of very many other villains from Thor’s rogue gallery. Hell, he almost spends more time beating the shit out of other heroes than he does knocking up villains. But there is one group in particular that would work out well and are major rivals of Thor. Who, you might ask? The fucking Wrecking Crew!



With a slightly different backstory than that in the comics, both for time and to fit within the theme and our society better by making them construction workers who get laid off because of these economic failures and such, and turn to crime afterward, are taken down by cops, or maybe even Thor, and thrown in the slammer. And this is where the important stuff happens. Loki is one of those villains that pulls on the strings, like a puppet master, and is at his best when he does that, so the same should hold true in this movie. Loki finds the bitter and angry crew and blesses Dirk and empowers him and a crowbar with God-like strength, stamina, and power. The Wrecker, a borderline sociopath anyway, with a grudge to settle, splits his new found powers to his friends, though by the end he absorbs it all again for a one on one fight with Thor. That's just me. And the plot that I like.

But all this means we have holes in the casting. Like, Donald Blake, and Wrecker, plus the rest of his Crew. As a fan of Branaugh, and having seen a lot of his films, I know he generally takes the lead on himself. I would LOVE to see him play Donald Blake, the heart and soul human half of Thor. The new films are moving towards older actors in the leads of these films, and while he wouldn’t be the God in the flesh, I think it is the strongest choice. Plus, seeing him, Robert Downy Jr., and Edward Norton all talking together would just be a fucking brilliant thing to see on screen.

Then we would also need a Wrecker. For this, I can think of no one more hardcore and awesome to do this than Jason Statham. He looks the part, and I would love to see him go bat-shit evil, especially once it gets to the end, as Wrecker does beat Thor! One of the few characters in comic-dom to do it. I would love it. I imagine the final scene as Thor and Wrecker duke it out, with Wrecker actually getting the win, knocking Mjolnir from Thor’s hands and beating the shit out of him in the background as we see the hammer, and Donald Blake is left powerless without the power of Thor. Then Wrecker walks over and tries to lift Mjolnir, which he cannot do. Then Loki, bored, and angry that he himself is not the one to down his brother, removes all of Wrecker’s powers, and it is now man versus man instead of God versus God. And the handicapped Blake wins it, takes him down. It is a powerful way to have the final fight end. And one I think would get a lot of strong attention.

But Thor isn’t the end for these characters. They move on to the Avenges flick, which I have no clue how they’ll do, though I know there are more characters to cast, like Ant-Man and Wasp (come on Alan Tudyk for Ant-Man), and very importantly, Captain America. Flame me all you want, but Matthew McConaughey has the look, the distinctly American dialect, and I think would be a phenomenal choice to round out the cast as our patriotic leader.

But that’s just my opinion.